Hopeless

This is so frustrating. Days like today I feel like a failure. I have applied for so many jobs this summer. I've lost track, but well over 40. since I have been out of work all summer, I am now looking into working while in school. This was not something that I wanted to do. Pulling 20 credits and working is going to be so hard. But now that I finally got over that fact, I wonder if that will even be a reality. I don't think that I will be able to find a job during school. I've already applied for a bunch, and have had interviews. Maybe I don't have a lot of work experience, but how can I ever get a job when they all require that. Somewhere I need a break. I'm so stressed out about finances. I want to have play money, but now I'm even wondering if I should cut out the summer Lagoon trip that's been waiting to happen. I need to have money to be able to plan this wedding because I know my parents don't have enough for the basics, let alone a wedding. I don't want to make Chris be the sole provider. I want to contribute. I don't want to be a burden. I know that he would never ever say that, that he would be happy to provide for me. I just don't feel like I can do anything right now. I guess I just need to get over the bad hours and tasks my dad has for me and do more for him. It's hard too though because having my dad for a boss is hard. I can't talk to him because now all we talk about at work and at home is work. And to top it off, my family can't afford to pay me anyways. Ahh... I just wish one job would work out for me.