Overwhelmed

Today I feel more overwhelmed then I think I have at almost any other time in my life. Walking home after breaking down in front of a professor, I thought that now feels harder than breaking my back, and harder than a past break up. There is just this weight that's keeping me down right now until I can get everything straightened out and in control. Today I also missed the opportunity to go down to Salt Lake to learn and see clothing manufacturing. However, I think it was for the best. By being here, I was able to go to the temple. There I felt so much love, that everything will be able to be ok in the end. I'm trying to have the faith to let that happen and work as hard as I can to get there as well. I think I need to quit my job. Looking for an internship has become a part time job and I am not keeping up on school. With the new Year, I set so many resolutions to be better. I think my matra right now needs to be just keep swimming. Just keep going and do what I can. Right now I may not do everything but by consistently trying, hopefully something will come from the efforts. It's crazy how much I need Christopher. I like to refer to him as my husband since we are so close and we've been together and engaged so long. How can anyone live without their husbands? I need to be next to him. Without him calming my fears, I feel like I can't do it.